Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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