So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
