arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
It was confusing and full of hummus
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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