I looked at my own cervix.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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