My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
