I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I could make wine with my vomit
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
