so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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