So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
