So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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