paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
