I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize