Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Randomize
