Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
