im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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