She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
