you guys were way drunker than both of me
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
