i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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