My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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