ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
