Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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