Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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