I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
