they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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