He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
