is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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