Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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