I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
