Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
