i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
