Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
