I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
