Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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