Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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