mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
