She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
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