Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize