question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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