The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I love how my cats smell like pot.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
OPIZZABONMYDICK
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
