so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Randomize
