so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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