i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize