the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
