She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
i believe in u and ur pee
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
