He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
