oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize