Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
