# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
