WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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