I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
This is my gift to your gina
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
