I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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