So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
