It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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