Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
