I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I forgot how hot balto sounded
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
