i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize