Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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