im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Do vagina's smell?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
