I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
How does it feel to date your dad?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
