Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
