Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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