I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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