she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
