Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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