Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize