she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
