I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
When did angry sex become our thing?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
