my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
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