There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Another day, another engagement, another cat
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize