He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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