Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
