Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
