So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
