good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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