Betty ford says i'm here all night
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
