Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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